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I know I sound spoiled, but... - Disowned Heidi

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May 23rd, 2009

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01:05 am - I know I sound spoiled, but...
So, my grandmother is moving to her apartment, so her stuff is getting split up between her three kids.

There was some stuff I thought I was going to get. My whole life I was told I would get some of it. For about half of my life I kind of planned around it, asking for Christmas and Birthday gifts that would match this stuff. And now I'm not getting it, the way they ended up splitting the stuff. I'm getting other stuff, equally valuable stuff... but less practical. And not the stuff I spent my past 15 birthdays and Christmasses asking for matching stuff for.

I know it's spoiled of me, I know it isn't my stuff. I know I'm the grandchild, not the child. I know they don't need to give me anything at all. But at the same time, I'm so dissapointed that I'm crying.

It turns out I am much more materialistic than I thought.

(4 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:May 23rd, 2009 10:31 am (UTC)
I don't think it's spoiled if your grandmother told you that you would receive this.

My grandmother promised me her pre-war Noritake china. About a year before she died, my brother's new wife was unemployed (she still is, about 8 years later). She insisted that the china was promised to her. In order to keep peace, we split it three ways between the grandchildren. My sister gave me hers behind the scene because she already had an antique china set. We both know my brother doesn't care, it's his wife who collects antiques from her husbands' (you read that right) families. It's how she ended up with a grandfather clock, a bunch of Hummels that aren't available anymore, and so on.

Now she has 1/3 of a set of pre-war Noritake AND Aunt Bu's cocktail ring (Aunt Bu was married to a diamond cutter, for reference). If these were clearly my brother's and not hers I wouldn't have a problem with it, but since my brother is her third husband, I don't have faith that she will remain family, which means we've given away family treasures.

Meanwhile I have only 2/3 of what was promised to me after I took time off from school to nurse my grandmother back to health after a car accident so many years ago.

I also find it disappointing.
[User Picture]
Date:May 23rd, 2009 05:41 pm (UTC)
It always comes down to china and silver, doesn't it.

That sucks, that really really sucks. And why the hell would she have promised the china to the daughter-in-law??? Not a plausible story IMO.

China and silver.
[User Picture]
Date:May 23rd, 2009 04:18 pm (UTC)
It's not only about materialism though - it's also about symbolism of the objects, and being told you would have them - so they had some kind of promised meaning.
[User Picture]
Date:May 23rd, 2009 05:40 pm (UTC)

I'm over it.

And Brother is getting some good stuff. So I'm glad he's getting good stuff.

Basically, it was silver. I'm registered under the same pattern as my mother and grandmother... I was registered with the same pattern at birth PRECISELY because when it came time to inherit, I would get some silver, which would flesh out what I had amassed so far.

Mom's pile didn't have any of the silver in that pattern. My uncle's pile didn't either. My best guess is my Aunt, who is also registered with the same pattern, took it for herself... she's been VERY pushy in the whole distribution stuff, acting like my grandmother's stuff is hers to distribute as she pleases. I can totally see her be like, "I'll take these, and you take this other stuff which is worth the same amount". Yeah it's worth the same amount, but six mismatched spoons may be worth the same amount in silver, but in a practical sense don't work.

Mom got a bunch of my grandfather's family silver, six full sets, which she will give to my brother. (It's a different pattern). I'm unclear why they split up that stuff... I wish they had kept it together so my brother would at least have a set of eight. But still, I'm glad he's getting six full sets at least. But there's no silverware for me. I don't know what I'm getting. Possibly a bowl. Which is cool, and of equal value, but... Jesus Christ, I know I sound super spoiled. I should be psyched to get a nice silver bowl. It's just that I was hoping to flesh out my set. I've only asked for silverware for every Christmas and Birthday since I was in High School, and saved up and bought some when I could, all because I was told I was part of this great family tradition or whatever.

I know I'm being stupid. And hell, in a couple years we'll have enough cash to buy our own damn silver (they still make the pattern, I'm still registered in the store) so I guess it doesn't matter. I know I'm being so spoiled, and that's part of what is upsetting me.

Another thing upsetting me is my Uncle inherited some really nice Limoges china from our great-uncle, and he put them in the dishwasher. The first time he did it, he noticed some of the gold leaf came off. Instead of trying to get it fixed, or at least NOT doing it again, he said "Fuck it" and decided to just keep using them and putting them in the dishwasher until they fade completely, and then he will toss them.

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